I'VE been going through a tricky time recently. It's fair to say we all have our low moments from time to time, and even though my life probably looks pretty bloody dreamy from the outside, I'm no different. 

I know I'm a very fortunate person. I have an amazing, loving and supportive family, plenty of lovely friends, a job I love and a cushy life here in London. But despite all this, I've spent the past six months battling with insecurity. As I sit here and write this, I feel totally stupid for even saying these words as I know there are far more pressing issues in the world - and obviously, I care about these too. But at the same time, when you're feeling low and down on yourself, it's hard to ignore the voice in your head telling you you're rubbish, and I wanted to be honest about it here on my blog. Who knows? Maybe letting it all go will help.

I'm insecure about a whole host of things. I've put on weight, sometimes I hate the way I dress and I stand in front of the mirror and pull apart my appearance more often than anybody should. But it's not just my appearance that gets me down. On a few occasions over the past year, I've cried to my mum and told her, 'I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't like myself.' 

I used to be a really confident person, so I'm not sure where this came from. Perhaps it started after a brief fling at the end of last year that left me feeling humiliated and crappy (I'm horrified that I let a guy make me feel this way, btw). But I'm certainly not the only person I know who feels shitty about themselves. I have so many female friends who berate themselves on a regular basis. It might just be the odd flippant comment about their appearance, or an obsession with a certain body part they're desperate to change. Other people tell me they feel insecure in general, even though they're incredible people, and others never seem satisfied with their impressive achievements, always wanting to do more, to achieve more. It makes me wonder why quite so many beautiful, kind, ambitious, brave, caring, generous and inspiring women feel this way (Dear my closest friends, I'm looking at you!). 

It might have been the guy I dated that made me feel shit about myself, or maybe there's something bigger happening in society that we need to address. Whether it's Instagram, magazines or adverts making us feel lousy, it's not right that we feel this way. Not only is it exhausting, but it's ridiculous. I feel like we're comparing ourselves to others every damn day and I can't take much more. It's not just women that feel like this, either. While none of my male friends have come to me and complained to me about their appearance straight-up, they too make the odd self-depreciating comment under the pretence of a joke. I'm not buying it. 

I guess I'm not quite sure what the point of this post is other than complete honesty and perhaps a little comfort. Maybe you'll read this and think, 'It's not just me,' or maybe you'll be surprised that someone who can seem so confident feels so down on themselves. It's just something I needed to get off my chest. I know that this phase in my life will eventually pass, and I pray that the insecurity doesn't stick around for my friends and loved ones for very long either. One day we'll wake up and our youth will have passed us by. We'll be wishing we still looked like we did at 25 and had the rest of our lives still ahead ahead of us. I guess we should just enjoy it while it lasts!





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